I've Come to Talk With You Again
by rogueandkurt
Summary: Killian struggles to hold off the darkness long enough to find the others. Canon-divergent episode tag/fix-it for 5x08 'Birth'. Killian POV. Background CaptainSwan.


**A/N:** Canon-divergent episode tag/fix-it to episode 5x08 'Birth.' This was mostly written right after 5x08 aired (though I did add a few things from later episodes), knowing full-well that it'd be jossed by 5x10. Rather than the sudden switch to "Dark One" mode after getting his memories back, I wanted to see what would happen if the Darkness returned more slowly.

Thanks to stubble-sandwich for the beta read-through!

* * *

He didn't know why, but his first instinct upon leaving the house was to find the prince.

The night air was cool against his face, offering a welcome sting against the cloudiness that threatened to overwhelm his mind. The streets themselves were deserted. He supposed that only made sense - fresh off yet another curse, with a new Dark One roaming the town, the people of Storybrooke were bound to be cautious.

 _Two Dark Ones,_ he corrected himself bitterly.

It still didn't seem real, although his restored memories from Camelot were sharp and vivid. How could he have failed to notice that he'd become the very thing he hated most - the demon he'd spent centuries chasing after?

His brisk footsteps echoed on the empty street, eager as he was to put some distance between himself and the house.

After ensuring Zelena had left - for good, this time - he'd quickly taken his leave as well, ignoring Emma's attempts to call him back to her side. His stomach soured at the memory of her cool, measured voice disclosing her plan to rid them both of the curse. He hated the witch as much as anyone else, but he wasn't about to let Emma darken her soul further by killing her to save him.

Of course, that didn't mean that she couldn't find someone else to put the darkness in. He picked up his pace.

His hand brushed over Excalibur's pommel as he walked, still disturbed by the strange attachment he felt toward the blade. He'd sensed something was off ever since he'd caught sight of the padlocked door in Emma's home - _their home,_ it was supposed to be _their home_ \- but he'd never expected...

 _Who_ would _expect to find out that they're secretly a monster?_

He shook his head, his hair falling in front of his eyes. It mattered little now. The important thing was to find David and inform him of what he'd learned.

 _'Yes, hurry up and tell everyone you're the embodiment of dark magic. They were all ready to attack Emma for her actions as the Dark One, I'm sure they'll be more than understanding when they learn what you've done.'_

Killian stumbled before regaining his footing. The voice in his head was barely a whisper, but he'd know it anywhere.

"I'm not listening to you. Not again," he hissed, clenching his fist. Still, he couldn't deny the truth of the words, treacherous as they were.

Emma was the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, Henry's mother, _the Saviour_ , but she had faced mistrust and even scorn as the Dark One. He could hardly expect better treatment, especially once the others learned that he'd already succumbed to the darkness in Camelot. His jaw ticked as he imagined their reactions, the people he'd tried to so hard to prove himself to looking at him like-

 _'Like a villain?'_

He glanced back in the direction of the woods, briefly debating searching out Robin instead. He wasn't especially close to the man, but he'd listened on more than one occasion as Killian vented his feelings of helplessness and frustration in the face of Emma's curse. Robin had his own experience with complicated relationships, and was always willing to lend an ear without judgement. Of everyone in town, Killian knew he wouldn't have to worry about the archer seeing him differently.

But the witch's words floated back to him as he walked. Emma had sped up Zelena's pregnancy and caused her to give birth early. Which meant that in all likelihood, Robin would be with his newborn daughter right now, and even Killian wasn't selfish enough to disrupt that peace simply because he longed for a friendly face.

He grit his teeth, a strange restlessness coming over him, like his skin was stretched too tight. He didn't have time to debate matters - he'd find David, tell him what had happened, and figure things out from there.

His head was beginning to ache. Whatever magic Emma had worked in Camelot had ended with the memory spell, and Killian could feel the darkness creeping into his mind. It was all far too familiar for his liking.

Many things made more sense, now. He'd thought his sleepless nights were merely a result of his worry for Emma, but now that his memories of Camelot were restored, he could recognise the haunted look in his reflection all too well - he'd seen it countless times in Emma's eyes. He'd been so agitated since their return, so impatient, his emotions swinging from one extreme to the next.

Why hadn't he seen the signs? Why hadn't he realised something was wrong?

 _'Is it so different from how you usually are? Let's face it, you've never been far from the darkness.'_

The voice was so quiet he could barely hear it, but it set his teeth on edge.

 _I'm not bloody listening,_ he swore, setting his jaw. He'd let the darkness goad him last time, let it ply him with promises of revenge and control. He knew he couldn't fight it for long - not like Emma had - but he was damned well going to last long enough to complete his task.

The town's main street was finally coming into view. He faltered slightly, apprehension gripping him as a trio of familiar voices - two female, one male - sounded from just around the corner. He'd hoped to confront David alone, but it appeared that the Fates were not on his side.

 _'There's still time to leave, dearie. Use your magic - they'll never know you were here.'_

He hated himself for considering it, however briefly. He shook his head, straightening his shoulders. That was the coward's way out.

"We are not going back there half-cocked, Regina." He could just barely make out David's words as he approached. "And I told you before, we're not going to hurt Emma. We don't even know what her plan is!"

Killian steeled himself, rounding the corner of the bakery.

"I do."

Three heads turned to face him, David and Mary Margaret pulling back from what had looked to be a heated confrontation with Regina. The sudden attention made him uneasy, doubt weakening his resolve once more.

David's brow furrowed. "What do you mean, Hook?"

He bristled slightly at how easily the name fell from his lips.

 _'Why worry about them treating you differently?'_ the darkness taunted in his ear. _'They never stopped seeing you as the villain.'_

Clenching his jaw, Killian did his best to drown out the voice. He didn't have time for hurt feelings.

The others were watching him warily, and it occurred to Killian that he must make quite the sight, his eyes wild and haunted, his hand clenching and unclenching by his side.

Regina was the first to recover, her familiar regal countenance settling effortlessly on her shoulders as she straightened, eyeing him with irritation.

"What now? Let me guess, you have more brilliant ideas about how this is _all about you_ ," she said, rolling her eyes. The dismissal wasn't as a surprise; Regina had always preferred masking her uneasiness with annoyance. "I've told you before, the Dark One is just playing with you."

Something like a laugh bubbled up and caught in his throat, making it hard to breath. If she only knew how right she was.

"I know what happened in Camelot."

If he'd been looking for magic words to immediately seize their attention, he'd found them. All three royals crowded him eagerly.

"You do? What?" David urged, a familiar desperation in his eyes. He hated being in the dark as much as Killian did.

Mary Margaret's eyes, meanwhile, were alight with hope for the first time since they'd returned to Storybrooke. His stomach churned, knowing her optimism was soon to be for naught.

"Do you know how to find Merlin? Can he help us?"

"We already found Merlin..." he faltered again, the memory of holding a beating heart washing over him. A wave of self-loathing threatened to drown him, the darkness cackling at the disgust he felt for his actions. He swallowed, forcing himself to speak again. "He told us that Emma needed to unite Excalibur with the dagger in order to pull the darkness out of her."

Emma's parents exchanged a glance, smiles threatening to tug at their lips at the prospect of a plan to save their daughter. Regina appeared far less hopeful, her eyes narrowing at his monotone delivery.

"So, why didn't we do that?" she asked, crossing her arms, pragmatic as ever.

Killian's hand clenched again. He glanced down at his feet. "I sustained a cut from Excalibur in our fight with Arthur. We thought it was healed, but it opened again when Emma tried to unite the blades. Merlin said that an injury from Excalibur could not be repaired. It was a mortal wound."

All three of them straightened at his admission, eyeing him with a mixture of concern and confusion. He could tell they were searching for signs of his injury, wondering how he'd managed to save himself.

 _'They think you did something,'_ the darkness hissed in his ear, making him shudder. _'Even now, they think you've betrayed them.'_

He pushed the voice away with a grimace. His ears were buzzing with faint whispers - too many to decipher - his shoulders hunching as he attempted to block it out. He was running out of time.

He forced himself to meet their eyes.

"I was dying, but Emma—" he cut off, the betrayal still too fresh. He didn't want to blame her for what she'd done, but he'd begged her not to curse him like this, and she'd ignored his wishes. The darkness swelled as his anger and frustration threatened to take hold, making his blood sing.

He forced his feelings down, his jaw twitching with the effort, and he knew he wouldn't be able to keep fighting for much longer.

"She tethered me to Excalibur," he ground out, struggling to keep his voice even.

Regina's eyes immediately widened with understanding, though it was obvious that the others had failed to appreciate the implications.

"That would make you..." she trailed off, subtly widening her stance, preparing for an attack. Killian felt a bizarre sliver of relief at her reaction. If anyone could cut past emotions and see clearly to the problem at hand, it was Regina. She wouldn't let quibbling over moral implications get in the way of doing what needed to be done.

"A Dark One," he spat, an ashy taste in his mouth. Excalibur hummed against his side.

He heard a gasp, Mary Margaret's hand coming up to cover her mouth.

"Wait, there are two Dark Ones now?" David asked, placing a hand on his wife's shoulder. "How does that work?"

The story suddenly felt too long to explain, so many of the memories still painful and raw. But he needed to finish what he'd started.

"All that matters is that Emma had a plan to remove the darkness from both of us. She kidnapped Zelena, intending to run her through with Excalibur, letting her take on all of the darkness. Zelena escaped, but I don't know what Emma's planning next, and the darkness..."

He trailed off, his head pounding. "It's only a matter of time before the curse takes me over as well."

Mary Margaret shook her head, frowning. "What about Merlin? Isn't there something he can do?"

Killian swallowed again, his throat as rough as sandpaper. "Merlin's dead. I killed him."

Their eyes widened, David moving his hand to his wife's arm, shifting into a more protective stance. Regina subtly turned her palm toward him - preparing, he suspected, to summon a fireball if it proved necessary.

The darkness was too loud now, the voices in his ears threatening to drown out the world around him. He longed to explain himself, but his time had run short.

"The blade is the only thing that can stop either of us now."

He grasped the hilt, pulling the sword free from his belt. The others stepped back warily.

He flipped the blade around, holding the handle out to Regina. She frowned.

"You're turning over the only weapon that can kill you?" Her eyes narrowed, her voice betraying her skepticism.

His grip tightened, his knuckles flaring white against the hilt even as he forced himself to loosen his hold once more.

"I am far less equipped to fight the darkness than Emma was," he retorted. "Whatever she's planning now, I guarantee the darkness has a far worse plan for me. The last thing I want is to end up its pawn."

Cautiously, she took the sword from him, the blade awkward and heavy in her hands. She was more adept at wielding spells than weaponry.

He dropped his arm to his side, his fingers twitching as he tried to ignore the instinct to snatch the blade back. Seeing it in the hands of another made his skin crawl, knowing firsthand what it could do. He couldn't help feeling as though he was handing them the reins to his free will, a magical leash and collar to bring him to heel if they so chose.

 _Maybe that's for the best,_ he thought, remembering the sensation of brushing bits of crushed heart from his palm like it was nothing more than fireplace ash.

David watched the exchange with a frown, shaking his head in disbelief.

"You're just giving up?" The disappointment in his voice brought back memories of Neverland, of the multitude of ways he had made it clear that he didn't think Killian good enough. Things had improved between them considerably since then, but his expression now made Killian wonder if he was rethinking his assessment.

 _'Can you blame him?'_ the darkness cackled, the clearest it'd sounded yet. He fought the instinct to look behind him for the pair of beady eyes he felt digging into the back of his head.

"I'm merely being practical. Think of it as a back-up plan," he defended, meeting David's indignant expression as steadily as he could. "Perhaps, with the sword, you can figure out another way to remove the darkness. If not..."

He shot a significant look at Regina, her brow creasing slightly as she tried to follow his meaning. A moment later, her eyes widened slightly before softening in realization.

Emma's plan was a good one - collecting the darkness in one person and using Excalibur to vanquish it was likely to work. The problem was who to host the darkness in. He'd fight the curse with everything he had, but if it came down to it, it wouldn't be Emma on the receiving end of that blade.

Regina pursed her lips, her eyes suspiciously bright. After a pause, she nodded her understanding.

Killian released the breath he'd been holding, feeling a small weight lift from his shoulders.

 _'It won't be enough to beat me, dearie.'_ He stepped back abruptly, repressing a shudder.

"You're leaving?" Mary Margaret asked in concern, her arms wrapped around that of her prince.

He dropped his gaze, his control starting to slip. "I need to get away from here," he ground out, feeling nauseous. "The further, the better."

David moved as if to protest, but he'd had enough. He raised his hand on instinct, disappearing in a cloud of red smoke. When the smoke cleared, he was standing in the woods, alone in every direction. He staggered, trying to ignore the part of him that reveled at the use of his magic.

 _No, not mine,_ he reminded himself. _The magic is part of the darkness. It's not who you are._

His veins hummed with power, the whispers in his mind threatening to drive him mad. He pressed his palm against his ear, his fingers clawing at his skull. _Enough!_

The Crocodile watched his struggle with obvious glee, his smile wide and vicious.

"There's no point in fighting, dearie," he giggled, his eyes dancing. "We both know there's no stopping the darkness once it's taken hold."

Killian's head ached, the darkness pressing, pushing up against the barriers he struggled to maintain.

"They'll find a way," he swore, wincing as his ears buzzed with whispers. _They'll stop this. They have to,_ he thought desperately. He shut his eyes.

The Dark One opened them.

The end.

* * *

Thanks for reading!

Keep Smiling! ;)

rogueandkurt


End file.
